An afternoon with Brushes

As a palate cleanser you can’t beat spending an hour or so making a digital painting on the iPad. I use a really ancient version, by iPad standards, of the painting app called Brushes ( actually I’m not sure whether this is still supported) which is just fine for what I want.

As I was working away on the painting I started to wonder what the gags of western art would have made of such advances ( if that is the right word) and what art would say Raphael have made an iPad?

This was so much more fun than worrying about the European referendum or the Donald.

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So we vote to leave – then what – Thoughts on the EU Referendum No. 2

So the sun is shinning, the birds are in full song – the UK has just voted to leave the EU and everything is well with the world.  Whether you believe that or not it may well be worth while to think through for a few moments the mechanics of what the UK will be embarking on.

The first thing is the timescale for leaving.  It has been suggested that we should leave the EU within two years of the vote so let’s say the date is 1st of July 2018 what are the things that have to accomplished by then?

  1. A new Prime Minister will have to be selected.   Whilst David Cameron may think that he can carry on but he will have no credibility with anyone.  The longer he tries to hang on the more problems will mount.  However, I suspect he will go pretty quickly and so we may have a new Prime Minister by the end of July 2016;
  2. By the end of July the Civil Service will have presented to the Government a comprehensive list of what has to be settled by the 1st of July 2018.  Clearly top of the agenda will be a new relationship with the EU.  Hopefully they will have provided an outline as to how this can be achieved in the 23 months left.   It is most likely that they will have highlighted the key issues that must be addressed and which other can be renegotiated after July 2018.  They will also have included some form of parliamentary timetable to try and get the result of the negotiations onto the statute book in time for it to be enacted by July 2018.  They will also point out the amount of time likely to be needed to change all the system and the cost involved.  Perhaps the best way to think of this would be the Y2K bug programme on steroids;
  3. August and September will see frantic activity on the British side to try and clearly set out what they want to achieve by July 2018.  The EU side may also see activity as to what that is likely to be it is unclear at this time.  However, it is likely to be less than supportive of the UK government if not downright hostile.  Angela Merkel may try to act as chief negotiator but her political capital has been somewhat spent, anyway she may have domestic political problems to consider before the EU and Great Britain;
  4. October to December will see see negotiations start in earnest and we will then start to see the real problems associated with what the British are doing come to the fore.  These may include major issues such as trade tariffs, access for the City of London and Immigration/Border control.  However,  there are likely to be issues that were probably well down the civil service list presented back in July may suddenly become pushed up the agenda – an example might be Gibraltar;   By this time may well also become apparent that there will need to be a separate bilateral agreement with   the Republic of Ireland given the ‘special’ relationship they have with the UK.   We might also see SNP formally campaigning for a second referendum to leave the UK and stay in the EU.  If this is the case there will be delegations from the Scottish government to the EU trying to ensure that Scotland would have immediate acceptance to the EU should they gain independence after the UK leaves the EU;
  5. January 2017 and all bets are off.  The French will start to look towards their Presidential elections and so whatever the EU might or might not agree with the UK will not worth the paper it is written on until after the election and even then it is still uncertain.  So with a generous wind behind the negotiations it might be that by July 2017 we might have some idea as to where the French stand on what is being agreed;
  6. However by July 2017 the German federal election campaign would have got into full swing and whilst the French might think they rule Europe the Germans actually do.  So anything that the EU and France might have agreed on is unlikely to be agreed on by German until November at the earliest.  This assumes that a settled government has been established by then – given previous  elections this seems unlikely so we might be into December until this takes place.  Things might be helped along if Angela Merkel stays on which is far from certain;
  7. So we reach the end of 2017 and perhaps we might have something approaching an outline deal with the EU.  Unfortunately whilst France and Germany are the most powerful countries in the EU they are not the only ones and just because they might agree to something it doesn’t mean the others will;
  8. January 2018 – we may well enter 2018 with no agreement with the EU and suddenly all the calculations for Parliamentary timetables go out of the window as I am sure that the Civil Service would have made it clear that we need to start the process by the start of January to have any chance to get it through Parliament in time.  They might use an example such as this:  A Polish women came to Britain just after Poland joined the EU.  She got a job as a teacher and was very successful.  She married another teacher, a British citizen, and they have two children.  She has continued to teach and is now the head of department at the school, a school that has an outstanding rating and has been quoted as a success by the Education Secretary.  The teacher is in line for a move to a senior position at the school but now the school doesn’t know what to do.  Can they appoint her?  Can they still employ her?  Can she even stay in the country?  If she has to leave what benefits can she claim given the amount of National Insurance contributions she has made?  If she stays does she have to register as a foreign national if so with whom and what system will be used to manage this?  There may well be a lot of bluster at the cabinet table about such an example but the sure thing is that no one will have the first clue as to what the answer is;
  9. March 2018 – With a huge slice of luck perhaps an interim agreement may be made between the EU negotiators and the UK.  However, there will no doubt be so many issues left to be negotiated that it would be little more than a letter of intent.   This then has to be taken through both the EU and UK system to ratify where it will be questioned and tested but by June the British parliament may well have passed the outline into some form of interim Act of Parliament;
  10. July 1st 2018 arrives and within minutes the whole agreement starts to unravel because the French have closed the port at Calais due to a strike by the customs officials because they won’t get danger money for working in such a dangerous place.  Equally huge queues form at Heathrow because of the uncertainty of the status of EU citizens entering the country and which queue they need to join.

I haven’t got the first clue as to whether this is a realistic scenario but my gut feeling is that the it does have a feel for how things might turn out – certainly as far as the timeline is concerned.  This also assumes that other events will not intervene, which is the most unrealistic element to the whole scenario.  I will give you just one thing that could happen – 20th January 2017 President elect Donald J. Trump becomes President of the United States of America.  What is he going to do about the UK leaving the EU?  Answers on a postcard to ….

So it is fine to talk about Britain being a “…great country or ‘…rich country…’ and that we are voting for freedom in leaving the EU, however the sign of a true statesman or woman is the one who also tells you about the problems associated with such a plan of action instead of pretending everything will be rosy.  Britain can survive outside the EU and the EU countries will want to trade with Britain, the unanswered question is at what price and how long will we, the British, have to pay this price so that some members of Parliament can pretend that they have real power.  I will leave you with this thought…

“Pay attention to the fine print, it’s far more important than the selling point”

President Frank Underwood.

F.U. indeed.

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I’m on a ride

Toxic

I’ve had enough of the whole depression of the world at the moment…so I think a bit of colour for a while..

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Tom Makes Sense

Tom Riddle for President 004 Tom Riddle for President 005 Tom Riddle for President 006

I realise that these demonstrate my limits not only as a graphic designer but an artist in general but somehow I find this worrying on so many levels…F.U. or T.M.R. or D.J.T – you choose.

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Stranger things seem to be happening at the moment

Tom Riddle for President

You really couldn’t make it up right now…I wonder how dated House of Cards is going to look next week?

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The problem with No – Thoughts on the EU referendum No. 01

Has it only been one week?  Already I am totally bored with the whole nonsense of the EU referendum, a pointless political tactic to save David Cameron’s career by potentially wrecking many others.  What have we learnt so far?   Well the first thing is that many Tories seem to be living in a dreamland where No doesn’t mean No  but rather ask me one more time when I will say Yes.  By this I mean the ridiculous notion that we can have a second referendum after this if we vote No to in fact vote Yes once we have got even better conditions from the EU after we had voted No.  I think that is the idea but as it makes no sense I haven’t really tried to understand it.   This has been put forward by Boris Johnson as the reason that he is for leaving the EU when in fact he is really for remaining but that doesn’t serve his own personal political agenda of becoming Prime Minister. Sod Britain.

The second thing is that amongst the No campaign supporters there is a notion that because ‘I voted for the Common Market not the EU’ has somehow got any weight.  I have even read some one suggest that his father and grandfather didn’t fight the Germans so that we could then become part of a greater Europe.  As to what that person’s father and grandfather did during the first and second world war of the twentieth century I have no idea but the first idea that because he didn’t vote for something it somehow makes it illegitimate  fails to understand how a parliamentary democracy works.  We don’t vote for things but MPs in general elections who in turn then vote on the issues of the day on our behalf.  We, in Britain,  have very rarely in the past held plebiscites, although they have become a lot more common in the recent times so perhaps this is where the confusion arises, so just because you didn’t vote for something doesn’t make illegitimate, this person’s father and grandfather didn’t vote for the war they fought   in but it was still legitimate.

The final thing I think we have learnt this week is just how difficult it is going to be try and prove leaving the EU will work to make Britain a more prosperous place.  The basis for this idea is that as Britain is a large economy and all of the EU countries will want to trade with Britain then they are bound to want to make a favourable trade deal as any breakdown in trade will hurt the EU as much as it will hurt Britain.   In a perfect world this is a reasonable assertion however this isn’t a perfect world and, in my view, is dangerous nonsense for a number of reasons:

Firstly what incentives will the EU have to make any such favourable deal with Britain?   We would have pissed off all of the leaders of the countries of the EU by leaving and there will be a natural reluctance to tell us where to get off, especially if we have stirred up domestic problems for individual countries by leaving;

Secondly, even if such an assumption is correct it won’t be easy to get anything sorted out in the short term as such a trade agreement may well require it to be ratified by all the remaining EU countries and so is unlikely to be in place for a number of years, far longer than it is assumed by the No campaign side;

Thirdly what about Norway and Switzerland?  They will see the preferential conditions that Britain has got and so will want the same, causing even greater confusion;

Finally what about the rest of the world?   As I understand it our trade agreements with the rest of the world are EU agreements and once we have left the EU we would have to negotiate new ones which again won’t be straightforward and who will be in charge of doing this whilst at the same time negotiating the EU treaty and probably a break up of the United Kingdom?

Whilst all this political maneuvering is taking place back in the real world the uncertainty generated isn’t going to encourage investment and stability for the economy which is, of course,  great for hedge fund investors and their like who make their billions from strife and uncertainty but for the rest of us it is likely to mean  real problems with things like jobs and inflation and devaluation of the pound etc.  In short the key argument that we would have a more prosperous country after leaving the EU isn’t likely to be true anytime soon and the costs of such prosperity is going to be be so high that  few outside of Mayfair in London are going see them anytime soon.

Of course I could well be wrong but the argument I have put forward above does show the risks involved whereas the risks involved in staying with the EU are far lower for most people and that in a nutshell is why it is going to be very difficult to prove the financial case for leaving the EU.  For some this is all irrelevant as they just hate ‘johnny foreigner’ but that is a whole different ball game.

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She had sex in the hall

Coal Abstract

A few post ago I mentioned about the conflict I was having between the left side right side of my brain.  I was thinking about this a little today as I was working on my historical research and I suddenly realised that perhaps there wasn’t a conflict at all.  Perhaps my subconscious had sort everything out.  So I give you Smoile.

Sir Dudley Click Synonym

On a totally different note I have also created the face of the father of Porsche and Write Click-Synonym – Sir Dudley.  Beyond his interest in fox hunting, no fox were injured or killed whilst hunting, and bankrupting the country for his own personal gain he over indulges his children, well at least ‘Scribble” and ‘Brum Brum’ (family nicknames for P & W- something that the upper echelons seem to like to do). He has a third child with Lady Conni but he tries not think too much about Drone, a radical feminist leveller who refuse any support from his father other than the filipino au pair Dalisay who Drone believes he has liberated from the maniacal grasps of his father.  Unfortunately it hasn’t crossed Drone’s mind to ask the au pair what she thinks.  Secretly he has sexual fantasies about her but has never had the nerve to do anything about them. Dalisay’s views on the matter are unknown but then again she is only the au pair. It has not crossed his mind to actually pay Dalisay and money for her washing and cleaning,  fortunately Drone’s father takes care of all that as well as buying the flat in Trellick Tower  west London where Drone lives under misconception it is a squat.

Drone spends most of his day planning the downfall of the system from the side and listening to Hangin’ Around by Lou Reed.  Dalisay’s views on this are unknown.

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Right Click Synonym

Porsche Click Synonym Right Click Synonym

This morning I was introduced to a wonderful phrase ‘…right click synonyms…’ which is probably most prevalent amongst students with an essay to finish and a lack of language skills – their salvation is just a right click away.  This usually creates an essay that is vocabulary rich but lacking any sense of intelligence behind it.   To be far to students we have all done this from time to time with the same daft results.

This then got my wandering along its weird byways and so the characters Porsche and Write Click-Synonym were created.  Porsche works in some I Saw You Coming shop in Chelsea or Notting Hill as an assistant or clientele dispenser.  She doesn’t always remember to collect her wages  at the end of the week because she has to dash to some ‘do’.

Write has just barely qualified as an ‘opacity designer’ and now works at a boutique design house somewhere in Soho where he runs errands and generally gets in the way.  The owner can’t really fire him as Write’s father and his father ride out together with the Crotchy hunt when they’re not wasting billions of other people’s money in the City.

I really need to get out more.

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There’s nothing left…all gone

Nude Woman Sitting on a chair Woman with loud hair

As 2016 progresses I become more and more depressed over just about everything in public life.  In Britain we are facing a pointless referendum that could and possibly will plunge the political world into years of turmoil or just the Tory party which in turn will make any progress difficult.  In the USA, the bulwark against so many things wrong in the world and also the creator of so many of the world’s problems their Federal government seems intent on becoming unworkable with the depressing thought of a Saunders v Trump general election for President – neither having a hope in hell’s chance of getting anything through congress.  This doesn’t mean that I think Hillary Clinton should be President, she was a busted flush in 2008 when she couldn’t beat an unknown senator  to the Democratic nomination so what hope is there 8 years later when she is just the fading afterglow of a distant Presidency.

I could go on but to do so would only add to my sense of foreboding and frustration.  So instead I will concentrate on things much closer to home.  My historical research is up and running again and my art seems to be settling into a rhythm that suits me and probably no one else.  As I don’t really seek anyone else’s approval this isn’t the problem it might be (although when someone does make a positive comment  it is much appreciated).   My life bimbles and bumbles along quite happily with only one cloud on the horizon – the realisation that perhaps, just perhaps, there are fewer days in front of me than behind.  Now that is something I really do not have any control over so it is best ignored and when it happens I won’t be around to worry about the aftermath.

My that was depressing but having written all that I somehow feel a little better.  Sod this stupid world, my family and friends are well and so as Tallahassee said…”You’ve got to enjoy the little things…”.

Pip Pip and watch out for the zombies.

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Introducing the apocrypha of Hermaphrodora Weasley

Hermaphrodora Weesley

Harry Potter, as with all great sagas, reaches a point where it becomes heresy to claim that there might be a different version.   This would be to suggest that perhaps the wonderful Ms J.K. Rowling might have missed things out, edited the story if you will, so that important characters in the true story go missing so that others are shown in a better light.   In this vein I give you Hermaphrodora Weasley, the cousin who is never mentioned.

PS…just in case anyone might think that this is true then just remember…it is all fiction.

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